Words of Wisdom????

Ok so here it is. I am starting to get scared. I have 7 weeks left to train to actually run 3.1miles nonstop. I haven't been keeping track of how far I go because my training is based on time. A friend of mine on about.com has been so kind and is helping me. I am on a training schedule working at my own pace with baby steps so I don't hurt myself in the meantime. I would like to report that I have had no injuries thus far and am so happy about that.

I am just starting my 16th week of training and am just having mixed feelings. As you all know I have been struggling with my husbands job loss and myself entering back into the work force and also dealing with my grandfathers illness and now death but it is just more than that. In my past I have been known for starting something and never finishing, I get really excited about starting something and lose motivation and stop altogether. I usually go on a health kick because I am overweight and then as soon as I lose the weight I revert back to my old ways and gain the weight back and then some more as well. This time it is different, I have never stuck to something for more than 4 months and this time I started my exercising and weight loss September 1st 2008. I started running then too but gave up until I met some really great people, and all of those people are you. So you all motivated me to get back on track and that I did.

It has been 6 months and I am still struggling to keep going but if it weren't for you I would have gave up a long time ago. My thing is how do I keep the motivation? At this point if I didn't have my son to get up with in the morning I wouldn't even want to get out of bed. After I get done with a run I am so happy but it seems like when I know I need to do it my mind thinks of a million excuses and lately it has been because it is too late in the day, or I am too tired from work, or I am too sad. All of those crappy little excuses that don't even matter. I know exercising would help me feel better about all of those things but how do I get the procrastinator in me to shut up? I have came all of this way and I don't want to fail...again. I know I can do this but I just wish it was easier to stay on track and keep motivated. I can't figure out the reason why I never finish anything.

Can anyone relate and maybe give me some advice?

I don't know how I feel

My grandfather passed away today. I am not sure what to think right now but I am relieved for my family that it is over. I am relieved that he is no longer in pain but my heart aches, it aches for so many reasons.

I can't believe I will never get to see him again even though when I took the trip to go out and see him at the hospital, one week ago from today, it wasn't even him that I was visiting. It was some man in a hospital bed. This man had no spirit and no cute little mischievious smirk always planted on his face ready to tease at the next available opportunity. He knew it was me though because when I brushed his cheek before I left, told him I loved him and said my last goodbyes he managed enough strength to give me a weak smile and muttered words that sounded like, "I love you too."

These past weeks have been so emotional for everyone and I just hope it doesn't take long for our hearts to heal.

Books...sigh...wonderful books..

Books are the greatest thing since sliced bread. I am mostly into non fiction books. Self help books are my favourite, I am always looking to learn how to better myself in any way. Health and fitness books are great learning tools for me as well. Even relationship books I dig because I know I have so much to learn.

The books I purchased yesterday were
How to win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie
Invisible acts of power:Channeling Grace in Your Everyday Life by Caroline Myss
and the book that I was destined to buy yesterday was
Romancing the Ordinary: A year of Simple Splendor by Sarah Ban Breathnach

For some reason I knew that book was going to find me yesterday. I had borrowed it from the library and started reading it and was very interested but noticed there is a chapter to read for every month of the year. I thought well I don't want to read it all at once then and I can't renew it for a whole year so I read the month of January and February and gave it back to the library. I wished to find that book to add to my own little library. I had a sudden urge to go buy myself a book and I always shop for books at the thrift store because I would be broke if I went to chapters every time I had a book urge. So I went to the thrift store and there it was staring me straight in the eye and jumping out at me.

I have three of Sarah Ban Breathnachs books and just adore her. My next book I wish will jump out at me is Think and Grow rich by Napoleon Hill. I have read it before but I want it for my own stash so I can read it any time I like. What a great book!!

Who is your favourite author and what is your all time favourite book?

Oh and thanks Bruce for the info on the walking shoes and special socks I will definately look into that once I get a paycheck, right now I am just working in running shoes because that is all I have.

A Good Day

Well work is good, I really enjoy it so far I just need more shifts if I am going to get my bills paid. I only had one shift this week so far and am waiting for any phone calls for me to cover a shift.

My ankles were sore from being on them all day at work but are feeling better now. I won't run on a day where my
ankles are sore just in case. I ended up running once last week and it felt great and the next day my ankles were fine at work.

Now I have to get training this week or I will never be able to run 5K in May. I have been slacking I will admit it and I feel horrible about it. Life just seems so busy right now with work, my son and my grandfather.

I treated myself yesterday to buying a couple books at the thrift store...ohhh how I love books. Even though I don't have a ton of money but it felt great to bring home my little treasures that cost me 15 dollars. How wonderful is that.

So when I got home I rearranged my furniture in my bedroom and got cozy in bed and started reading. That is the best day I have had in a while. May there be plenty more to come.

I did run last week..So there

Last night was a good night, I ended up jumping on the treadmill just because I knew it would make me feel alot better. It was a weight was lifted off me when I was done it was great.

Got to spend a few hours playing with my son, I seen him last week but not much because I was at the hospital so we had a ton of fun giggling and rolling around on the floor, oh to be a kid again..sigh.

I am off to my first day of work and am feeling good. I hope everything goes well

A new day.

This week has been craaaazzy. I got the job pretty much on the spot. I am pretty excited. My first day is tomorrow. I will be assisting the residents with medications, personal hygiene, housekeeping and other odd jobs.

The night before my interview I got a call that the doctor told my family that my grandfather only had a few days to live. So I was so bothered and almost didn't go to my interview and travelled straight to my family. The only thing that kept me home was that I had to pick up my other uncle at the airport and bring him with me. I managed to get through the interview fine and the boss wanted me to start work right away. I felt so horrible to need some time off right away but I explained the situation and she told me not to worry and to just start fresh on Monday. What a relief! So I got to spend the week at the hospital with my family and my grandfather and I told him what I needed to and he told me what he needed to. I feel so much better that I got to spend some time with him. I am ready to let go now any time he is ready.

After the rush and emotions of this week I didn't go for one run. I didn't want to make the time my days were filled already.

A new day starts tomorrow. I am leaving all stress and anxiety behind and am pushing forward towards my purpose. I am going to run and be thankful I have the ability to run. I am grateful for every breath I take. May I be great at everything I do.

Are things starting to turn around?

Feeling pretty good today. I have been editing my resume the past few days and making a killer cover letter for this job post I found. I went and applied for the job today and 2 hours later got called to go in for an interview on Monday. I am very excited and confident I will get the job although trying not to get my hopes up too high just in case.

I have to tell you, lately when I have been feeling down and sluggish I make myself get out there and do my run and as soon as the first couple minutes are over I feel a ton better. When I get home I feel refreshed and ready to carry on. It is quite amazing how much I really don't feel like doing it but as soon as I get past that one point I am a totally different person.(ya I know I am a bit crazy but whatever)

Grandfather is getting worse as the days go by but am handling it alot better now. I have come to terms with the fact that he is going to be gone sooner than we thought. That is just how life goes sometimes. If I can get this job then I will be able to have enough money to travel up to see my grandfather and spend some quality time with him which I think he and I both need right now.

Wish me luck everyone. I will let you know how everything goes on Monday. I wish you all the very best weekend!!