Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Words of Wisdom????

Ok so here it is. I am starting to get scared. I have 7 weeks left to train to actually run 3.1miles nonstop. I haven't been keeping track of how far I go because my training is based on time. A friend of mine on about.com has been so kind and is helping me. I am on a training schedule working at my own pace with baby steps so I don't hurt myself in the meantime. I would like to report that I have had no injuries thus far and am so happy about that.

I am just starting my 16th week of training and am just having mixed feelings. As you all know I have been struggling with my husbands job loss and myself entering back into the work force and also dealing with my grandfathers illness and now death but it is just more than that. In my past I have been known for starting something and never finishing, I get really excited about starting something and lose motivation and stop altogether. I usually go on a health kick because I am overweight and then as soon as I lose the weight I revert back to my old ways and gain the weight back and then some more as well. This time it is different, I have never stuck to something for more than 4 months and this time I started my exercising and weight loss September 1st 2008. I started running then too but gave up until I met some really great people, and all of those people are you. So you all motivated me to get back on track and that I did.

It has been 6 months and I am still struggling to keep going but if it weren't for you I would have gave up a long time ago. My thing is how do I keep the motivation? At this point if I didn't have my son to get up with in the morning I wouldn't even want to get out of bed. After I get done with a run I am so happy but it seems like when I know I need to do it my mind thinks of a million excuses and lately it has been because it is too late in the day, or I am too tired from work, or I am too sad. All of those crappy little excuses that don't even matter. I know exercising would help me feel better about all of those things but how do I get the procrastinator in me to shut up? I have came all of this way and I don't want to fail...again. I know I can do this but I just wish it was easier to stay on track and keep motivated. I can't figure out the reason why I never finish anything.

Can anyone relate and maybe give me some advice?

Saturday, March 7, 2009

I don't know how I feel

My grandfather passed away today. I am not sure what to think right now but I am relieved for my family that it is over. I am relieved that he is no longer in pain but my heart aches, it aches for so many reasons.

I can't believe I will never get to see him again even though when I took the trip to go out and see him at the hospital, one week ago from today, it wasn't even him that I was visiting. It was some man in a hospital bed. This man had no spirit and no cute little mischievious smirk always planted on his face ready to tease at the next available opportunity. He knew it was me though because when I brushed his cheek before I left, told him I loved him and said my last goodbyes he managed enough strength to give me a weak smile and muttered words that sounded like, "I love you too."

These past weeks have been so emotional for everyone and I just hope it doesn't take long for our hearts to heal.